FINAL RESULTS

The difference: 32 beers.
TURD - GOLD
821 - 789
After losing the wildcard ruling to Gold Team, hope seemed crazy dim for Red Dawn. As wildcard picks, Dauff's 84 beers went head-to-head against Steven's 44 -- resulting in a bonus 84 beers for Gold. It was a wise initial move, hurling their 705 total to a staggering 789. As it stood, the opposing team clocked in with 781 beers; eight behind. With only one TURD member yet to report numbers, everything rest on the shoulders of one man: Patrick Knight.

Luckily for TURD, PK had taken on the Jungle Death challenge: a bold attempt to crush Reid Currie's staggering weekend 53-beer total. It was surpassed by a single beer. One, single beer, that as PK put it, "made Monday [expletive omitted] UGLY."

Upon hearing the official news, team captain Tony Savastano hastily signed off chat and went to bed. It is speculated that a call to his mother was made, followed by crying. He now gets to mow my yard completely naked.

Individual medals:
GOLD: Ryan Heathman (TGFG) - 194 beers
SILVER: Patrick Knight (TURD) - 177 beers
BRONZE: Reid Currie (TGFG) - 153 beers (I think this was the total)

And I don't know about you all, but I am pretty sure this whole event turned me into a bona fide alcoholic. The competition has been over for days, but this is definitely the fourth night in a row I have been drunk alone in my apartment on the Internet.

Until then, may we all train thoroughly for London 2012.

The final weekend is upon us. These two teams have been duking it out for the past two weeks. It all comes down to this. T.U.R.D. is in the lead at the juncture, but the numbers are not complete. Both teams have a few withstandings, and the race seems to be very close going into these final 3 nights.

When asked about their teams progress, the Captains had this to say...

-Nick

"let me get a beer 1 sec... I believe I will feel this way but only a few times in my life. Not until my first son is born will I be endowed with this same sense of pride that is raging through my blood right now. TURD already has what we need to win--it is just a matter of making sure that these tools are properly used in these final nights. And by tools I mean drink beer"

-Tony

"Well I think what we have accomplished is fairly amazing, especially after what we have been through. I've never seen a man's throat collapse on him like E.L.L.I.S. 3000's has. It goes to show the danger of this sport, and the true sacrifice that everyone here is making. Other than that, we are behind. Thats probably our main problem. I think if we can drink more than TURD we'll come out with the win. "

This weekend will play host to a few special games, and, I'm sure, a hell of a lot of drinking. May God have mercy on your souls, gentleman.

Opening Weekend Comes to a Close

The Teams Are Complete

Team Until Red Dawn (T.U.R.D.)
Nick
PK
Casey
Kyle
Steve Holt!
Tim
Mike P.

Team Going for Gold

Tony
Reid
Tom
Matt
Kevin
Michael
Ryan

The Draft

As it was mentioned before this game is played in teams. How do teams get decided, you might ask? We decided on the old fashioned Draft. The two Team Captains of each team will take turns picking teammates until there are none left. Who are the Team Captains, you ask? Lets introduce them:

Captains

Name: Nick
Nick Name: Velociraptor
Age: 22
Facial Hair: Sometimes
Strengths: Can Fall Asleep Anywhere, Very Fast Drinker.
Weaknesses: Can Fall Asleep Anywhere, Very Fast Drinker.
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Quote: "You people!"

Name: Tony
Nick Name: The Crowbar
Age: 22
Facial Hair: Not Since Job
Strengths: In it for the long haul, can beat up Casey.
Weaknesses: Rum, Lives in Mountains, Walls
Location: Durango, CO
Quote: "Where are all the White Bitches at?"


Now that we have introduced the captains lets get down to business, the Draft 2k8!

First Round
Nick is up first because he came up with the idea of this game. Tony is ok with that.

The First Pick of the Beirjing 2k8 Beer Olympics is...

Name: PK
Nick Name: The Drink Drinker
Age: Unknown
Facial Hair: Scruff
Strengths: Stamina, Will Power
Weaknesses: Gets weirded out by people, wakes up in fields
Location: Kansas City, KS
Quote: "We have the technology."

Analysis: Nick went with a strong first choice. PK is currently house sitting, meaning he literally just has to stay in the house. This combined with PK's fervent passion to drink till the wee hours of the morning makes for a solid first pick.

Tony's First Round Pick

Name: Reid
Nick Name: Jungle Death
Facial Hair: Like a baby's bottom
Strengths: Mullet, Owns a Screaming for Vengeance Shirt
Weaknesses: Kansas is 6-1 against Reid
Location: Buffalo, NY
Quote: "I Used to Drink Guys Like You in Prison."

Analysis: Reid is a prolific drinker with a passion for it. His East Coast style is a unique approach to this sport. Tony's decision to go with Reid as his first pick is logical because I think he can count on Reid to get the job done.


Second Round

As we all know the second round is quite possibly the most important pick. They have the ability to surprise and come through in big situations. Former second round picks have gone on to shine in several sports, just look at Gilbert Arenas or Bill Walker.

Again Nick is up, and with his second round pick he chooses...

Name: Casey
Nick Name: Crew Cut Casey
Facial Hair: Grows in Patches
Strengths: Is no longer a virgin

Weaknesses: Body Slams

Location: Wichita, KS
Quote: "lets do this"

Analysis: Nick surprised everyone with this pick. Casey was projected to go in the third or fourth. This gamble may just pay off though, as Casey may be one of the few that take this game seriously, as he loves both the Olympics and Drinking.

Tony's Second Round Pick...

Name: Tom
Nick Name: Nagasaki
Facial Hair: He's Asian
Strengths: No Full Time Job, Still in College
Weaknesses: People are Racist
Location: Manhattan, KS
Quote: "O' Rly?!"

Analysis: Tony's second round pick is based on potential. While Tom might not be the heaviest drinker out there, he lives in a college town, and has the ability to drink every night, plus his girlfriend is out of state, allowing for maximum performance. If Tom takes this seriously he could be one of the more consistent, and deadly players in this years games.

Third Round

Here comes the meat of the draft. The real go-to guys. The Third Round is a place where consistency is born.

Nick's Third Round Pick:

Name: Kyle
Nick Name: Houston Hurricane
Facial Hair: Flavor Savor
Strengths: Ability to invent words, Lives with Petey
Weaknesses: Sleeps with Anything
Location: Houston, TX
Quote: "Skdazzie"

Analysis: Kyle may be the most balanced player out there. He knows how to find time to drink, and has the means to do so. His skills also have not faded as he has been training alongside roomate Petey. This could be the pick of the draft if Grist lives up to his potential.

Tony's Third Round Pick...

Name: Matt
Nick Name: Dauff
Facial Hair: The Best Beard of the Bunch
Strengths: Loves Beer, INTense
Weaknesses: See Kyle's
Location: Denver, CO
Quote: "Hey, she was legal"

Analysis: This is a strong pick if Dauff can find the time to put em down. His drinking prowess is comparable to the greats, he just needs to find a rhythm and he could be sleeper.

Fourth Round

Nick's pick...

Name: Steve
Nick Name: Steve Holt!
Facial Hair: PSSSH
Strengths: Propensity for Drinking Games, Honesty
Weaknesses: Shannon Yost and His Bladder
Location: Manhattan, KS
Quote: "Not Again!" (the morning after)

Analysis: Steve Holt! may be the most honest person on the face of the earth unless he's drunk and hungry and in a kitchen full of his roommate's food. This pick is a moral victory for Nick's team. This is not to say Steven can't put back beers with the rest of them. He may be the tape of love that holds this team together.

Tony's Fourth Round Pick...

Name: Kevin
Nick Name: Downtown Kevin Brown
Facial Hair: Neck Beard
Strengths: The Biggest Man Alive
Weaknesses: Very Big Pant Legs
Location: Boston, MA
Quote: "Oh no... no we are not."

Analysis: This is a big, literally, pick up for Tony. With this pick this team has added some much needed giantism. There are no wrong picks in this draft, and Downtown certainly isn't going to hold back this team.

Fifth Round

Nick Picks...

Name: Tim
Nick Name: Delicious Business
Facial Hair: Kind Of
Strengths: Winter 07/08
Weaknesses: Volleyball Players and Birthday Parties
Location: Kansas City, MO
Quote: "Gettin that fo sho"

Analysis: Tim is a solid competitor and should prove to be an asset to any team. This is a great pick up so late in the rounds. Tim is also Black, which means he has a distinct advantage over all the white people in this game.

Tony's Fifth Round Pick...

Name: Michael

Nick Name: E.L.L.I.S. 3000
Facial Hair: Scruff
Strengths: Has a Tat, Scary Smart
Weaknesses: Tonsils, Sake' Bombs
Location: Kansas City, KS
Quote: "All of a Sudden, it's a 20 Man Brawl!"

Analysis: I've never seen somebody so happy.


Sixth And Final Round

This is the last round of drafts and it has come down to two final hopefuls. This was easily one of the most tension filled decisions made all draft, and certainly one of the hardest for Team Captain Nick.

and so Nick chooses...

Name: Mike P.
Nick Name: Free Cup
Facial Hair: No
Strengths: Can Speak Fluent Spanish, Hates Disco
Weaknesses: Horrible Body Language, Latina's, Goes to KU
Location: Wichita, KS
Quote: "Its hard trying to dominate"

Analysis: This pick was done in a fashion that will allow Nicks team to work together, as Casey and Mike should be a team to be reckoned with when they get together. We'll see if this tactic works, as the other choice in Ryan is an obvious power drinker.

Tony's Final Draft Pick...

Name: Ryan
Nick Name: The Chief
Facial Hair: The Goat
Strengths: Size, Powerdrinker
Weaknesses: He Can Sing, Bullets
Location: Kansas City, KS
Quote: "I've been training for this my entire life."

Analysis: The Chief is one of the best trained drinkers in our game. He may be the youngest player on this team, but what he lacks in experience he makes up for in tenacity. This is a great pick up for Tony's team, as he will be a very valuable player.

There You have it folks! The teams are complete. Each team of 7 will begin drinking at the start of the Opening Ceremonies. This should prove to be a trying two weeks. The team that will win this competition is the team that finds a way to incorporate beer into their daily habits (brushing their teeth, showering, drinking) the best. Each team member will report to their Team Captain periodically to let them know their drink count. The scores will be updated regularly here.

For the record there will be special drinking competitions that may be worth extra beers, or multipliers. That being said... may the best team win.